I have ink. A lot of ink. My first tattoo I got 30 years ago.
My latest… yesterday.
Most all of my tattoos have special meanings – this newest one is no less different.
Originally, it was just going to be the dragonfly and peonies, then I thought to add in the broken chain. Sometimes ideas come to me – I’ll read something or see something that I just connect with. I’d been wanting a dragonfly for a while – I have multiple butterflies incorporated into my earlier tattoos, but dragonflies have started showing up in my life.
Dragonflies symbolize transformation and growth; they start their lives as aquatic nymphs before shedding their skin and taking flight as winged adults, representing personal evolution and self-realization. They are adaptable and flexible with their unique flight patterns allow them to change direction quickly and glide effortlessly, symbolizing the ability to navigate life’s challenges with ease. They often remind people to let go of self-created illusions, embrace a positive outlook, and bring more lightheartedness or joy into daily life.
For the broken chains, we all have them. Chains. We all have either self-imposed, or societal driven rules or expectations that we follow. We all have limitations – often far below what we’re actually capable of.
This is where I’ve been living. This is where I had – HAD, past tense – accepted. Yes, some rules are firmly in place for the health and safety of our society. But I’m talking about personal limitations. Personal beliefs. Limiting beliefs I’ve allowed to become a part of my sense of self.
My husband recognized this – maybe not so specifically, but he had recognized that change was coming. He could see me breaking.
The breaking initially started back in February. I really noticed it when we were in the Dominican. I remember laying in bed (our daily siesta) and trying so hard not to cry. I had no reason to be sad, but there I was, in this beautiful resort, in my room, crying.
When we returned from the holiday, it almost felt like I was in denial. Being at home, it was easy to focus on other stuff. I literally didn’t unpack for 6 MONTHS – and it was only because I needed the suitcase to pack for the course I was just on. I think it was because, now that we were home, I could ignore the emotions from the Dominican. I didn’t have to look at, analyze it, sit with it.
I could leave it in that suitcase, and move it around; push it away, and ignore it. I could bury it under the bandaids as I pointedly turn my back on it.
On my birthday, I cracked more. The facade started to crumble away. The Spartan race (ON my 50th birthday) was my Ramiel. My breaking – if you’ve read ACOSF, that will make sense. There were a lot – a LOT – of tears. My husband gave me pep-talk after pep-talk. I wanted to give up. SO many times. But my husband pushed me to keep going until I limped across the finish line.
The tears weren’t because I was tired or sore or wanted to quit… okay, it was… but the Spartan race was a blinding spotlight at what I had allowed myself to become. It was the physical manifestation of the limitations I had put on myself. Yes, I’m dealing with medical issues, and injuries, but I know – I KNOW what the human body is capable of.
And it wasn’t my body the chains were on.
They were on my spirit.
And this is what this tattoo represents. The dragonfly is my spirit. My Self breaking the chains that I had been holding onto – I’m not even going to just let them go – I’m going to BREAK them.
Because I refuse to pick up those chains again.
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